A nightmare comedy and flames and fortune

Ninety nine per cent of people would love to win seven million pounds on the Lotto-Loot lottery. Colin Rainbow, a sad, introverted loner is not among them. Middle-aged, squat and without friends or family, Colin has no needs or desires, other than to grow prize-winning flowers and vegetables on his allotment. The only thing he does want, is money to buy a headstone for his parents, whose ashes are kept on the mantelpiece in his front room. He has few possessions. Home is a tiny terrace without mod cons and with only an outside toilet. Work for him is also a lonely pursuit as he passes the small hours on a solitary night-shift at the local crematorium.

When Colin finds a Lotto-Loot ticket caught in his flowers he initially uses it to stop the draught coming through a knot-hole in his dilapidated shed. It is only later, quite by accident, that Colin discovers that this is a missing ticket worth millions and that the deadline for it to be claimed expires within hours.

Meeting the lottery representative is a huge cultural shock for Colin. There again, meeting practically anyone is traumatic for this odd recluse. Overhearing their conversation in a hotel, is unscrupulous local solicitor and disgraced politician Jonathan Hesketh-Bell, a man with expensive tastes, growing debts and no morals. His own demons are encroaching rapidly. He is facing an expensive divorce. The law Society are investigating him for malpractice. The press are on his tail. And so is notorious local villain, Charlie Crompton whose main method of enforcement is a Black & Decker drill with interesting attachments. Given the severity of the situation, Hesketh-Bell is anxious to exploit this combination of good fortune and extreme naiveté on the part of the winner.

Given the looming financial crises, Hesketh-Bell starts to target Colin, showering him with friendship, possibilities and the prospect of increasing his wealth further. Life’s luxuries and even the pleasures of the flesh hold no allure for Colin the lonely gardener. Hesketh-Bell finds all his ingenious attempts to ingratiate himself as financial adviser are getting nowhere.

Finally Colin collects his winnings. Much to the dismay of the Lotto-Loot representative and against her advice it is in cash. Colin doesn’t trust banks. Later, sitting in the shed on his allotment with two large cases stuffed full of fifty pound notes, Colin is visited by Hesketh-Bell, who points out the strange man in the car watching them. According to the solicitor he is a notorious gangster anxious to part Colin from his wealth. In fact he is Jack Harkness, a sleazy hack from The Daily Probe tabloid who has been tipped off about Colin’s lotto win.

On the strength of this threat Colin agrees to Hesketh-Bell looking after his money in his office safe. After cramming the two large cases of cash into his flash sports car, Hesketh-Bell heads not for his office but to the airport only to be stopped by two curious police officers. Eventually Colin gets his money back but it is still of little worth to him.

With Harkness and Hesketh-Bell in tow, Colin visits his local pub where his usual treatment by the bar staff is with deep contempt. This time something snaps and Colin uses the bundles of fifties as weapons, hurling them angrily at the bar staff. A riot erupts as customers fight each other for a slice of the money.

But even this crude attempt to get rid of the cash proves fruitless. Six people are hospitalised and Colin eventually gets back £6.5 million. Now as Colin is hounded by the press, Charlie Crompton closes in on Hesketh-Bell. In a dramatic climax to the film Colin and Harkness escape from the solicitor and the gangster and spirit the cash to the crematorium where the solution to Colin’s problem is close at hand.

As the bank notes blaze, our story reaches its dramatic climax. Hesketh-Bell is saved from a live cremation by Harkness who has secretly stolen a few bundles of Colin’s money. After so much pressure Hesketh-Bell finally lapses into a bizarre catatonic state and is then promptly arrested for misappropriating pensioners’ savings. Finally, Colin can go back to his simple life of soil and ashes.

This 100 minute film written and directed by Tim Wyatt features a number of named actors and was shot in summer 2002 in the Calder Valley in West Yorkshire. Produced by Fizz Benfield, Ken Daly and Tim Wyatt, Dead Money will receive cinema distribution. It will be exhibited at film and TV festivals and be marketed to terrestrial, satellite, cable and pay-per-view channels and be distributed on video and DVD both in the UK and abroad. A very original and creative PR campaign is planned to maximise national publicity. Dead Money will have an original soundtrack featuring a number of nationally known musicians. It is planned to make a documentary about the making of this black comedy.